This is basically the third installment of the story of coming to terms with my son's autism. So, quick over view. I suspected early on that something was amidst with my son, but from what little I thought I knew about Autism he didn't seem to fit that category but I couldn't figure out where he fit? Or if I should fit him into a mold. As he got older his struggles got bigger, and as I sought help, I kept getting a road blocks. I was told that he wasn't bad enough for him to get free help but if I would like to pay...which I didn't have the means. I also wasn't sure what to pay for? Now, with wisdom I know and understand what Occupational Therapy is, but back then, the only time I heard that word was in connection with work injury or accidents and it was to help people relearn what they lost. I did know that school, were require by law to give you an IEP if you gave them a written request. I also just found out that schools will pay you to home school, well not exactly pay you, but they will give you a stipend of money you may use for classes and curriculums.
There were several charters to choose from, a new charter to homeschooling (not to being a charter) was starting, they offered the most money. More money more classes my son can take, so of course I and a lot of other parents flocked to this charter. This charter promised money but when their brick and mortar school ran into problems they took our money and used it for that one. Leaving all of the vendors that were promised money for teaching our child, without cash. Some of the vendors came after the parents, others refused to ever accept charter funds, and a few went out of business because of this school misuse of funds. I can list story after story of things that happen due to this school, but the school no longer exist as a home school charter, and from what has been rumor won't be a charter school period much longer. But I would like to talk about their HORRIBLE HORRIBLE IEP process I went thru with them.
At first they tried to pressure me not to request an IEP, said I would lose my funding, so instead without my permission they changed his grade level. Then when I finally got tired of it and sent the letter, the run around for getting my IEP took forever...I requested the IEP in October our meeting was in May. Between October and May, I had to take my son to their charter school over a dozen times, each time they kept him for over an hour and wouldn't let me go back with them to see the testing. Then when I would call about the meeting there were excuses, in the mean time I finally got my Doctor to send me to a private evaluating for my son. I kind of like that evaluation, because though the doctor wanted to be alone with my son, I got to see everything as he had a room were I sat with a TV watching the whole thing. After, just three short appointments with him, he said that my son fascinated him. He said that basically to be autistic you have to show certain markers, and my son shows all but one and that one is suppose to be a major one, so technically according to medical diagnosis he shouldn't be Autistic but he is. The Doctor felt that despite that marker the other ones were so spot on, and he said that actually the one that he didn't hit, he actually would hit then when you retested he was fine. He said he tested that one about a dozen times and out of those times he hit the marker about 1/3 of the time.
So, at last my IEP meeting happened in May. And at this meeting I was told that my son is SERVER autistic and developmentally delayed. That he needed to be in a special school and I had no hope of him ever being able to learn beyond maybe basic skills, and I should except to care for him for the rest of his life. Needless to say I was beyond shocked, lucky for me I was on a Facebook community group page and vented there...someone that was suing this school for their IEP department anyways, sent me to their lawyer who allowed me to use his name for free even offered to write a letter. So I went to another IEP meeting with his business card showing on the desk in front of me along with a lot of other paper work. I finally understood what occupational therapy was, and what I wanted. I told them NO, I want 2 hours OT, 3 hours PT and I will accept the 1 hour speech that you said he needs. I am not accepting full emerge special day classes, and we will try my way for 6 months if there is NO improvement I will reconsider their diagnosis, because the head of school was scared of the lawyer he agreed, despite the head woman in charge of the IEP department saying it won't work, she also was annoyed because she would have to teach him or so she thought. I knew I was leaving the charter but I just wanted an IEP written the way I wanted it before I left to a better charter. I got it and left.
By the way this was 3 years ago now, my son's new IEP is still 2 hours OT, 1 hour PT and no speech. He has always met all of his goals, except for writing, and I don't think he will ever completely master writing with out it being mirrored but he is becoming such a good typist that I think the aspect of writing (ie stories and essays reasons why he still has PT help) will go away in a year maybe two, when he completely masters typing.
Next week I will be talking about the most exciting therapy I have ever found for my son...I so excited about this one. I will be talking about ABM therapy.
Saturday, November 12, 2016
Saturday, November 5, 2016
What is typical for a boy and what is not?
So, my last blog left off, with my son being 5 and having panic attacks when he had to write freestyle. The interesting thing is he loved to trace but if I asked him from his own head to write something, it was not correct, and if I told him so he would be frustrated and would melt down. Its like he couldn't see that it was wrong, and I didn't know how to help him. I bought Hooked on Writing, Writing without Tears, note books with raised edges so he can feel where the pencil should go as he wrote. And every time he would copy what they said do to exactly right as he traced the letters then when it got to free writing the letters, he would convert back. Both he and I were frustrated.
Maybe I shouldn't push him until he was older, so I waited...and as I waited, I would attend these home school park days where though the parents would answer my questions, they weren't exactly welcoming, and their children weren't exactly playing with mine. My son was lonely, he wanted someone to play with, he wanted a friend, I wanted him to have a friend. I wanted him to be happy. I had already gone to the regional center and found no help. I had a feeling the school would be the same. I was at a lost. I didn't know what to do?
I still taught my son orally how to read and we did math, and would do art projects and learn about science. I guess I taught him social studies by example, he knew his address and phone number and about city, state, etc. Though even from the beginning I guess I could say I was unschooling in the way of Social Studies.
One day, at the park my son hit it off really well with another little boy, and the mom and I hit it off pretty well too. Then they didn't come back for awhile, which made me sad, and then one day they did, and then they started coming more regularly. Which turned into exchanging of phone numbers and extra play dates, and I am happy to say, 4 years later. That little boy is still my son's best friend in the world. They are born 1 year and 1 day apart. My son is older. So, he finally had a friend. And the mom and I had similar views on education. We thought co-ops schooling would be best, but didn't know how to start one. We were constantly on the look out for 2 or 3 other moms that had our views to try and start a co-op school type setting.
We found one for awhile but it fizzled rather quickly. Disappointing, we finally learned about a home school interactive, hands on project based, learning center. The plus the class sizes were small and the subjects were sooo cool, the draw back was the price. As a single mom I couldn't afford those prices. So, I went to a meeting that the owner put on. And there I learned about charter schools and how they would pay you to home school. There was a new charter school just starting...it was going to give the parents the most money any charter before had ever given out. I signed up...little did I know that this charter was the charter from hell....and little did the owner of the project based learning school know that in her recommending this charter almost cost her her business as they truly were a horrible school.
Next up...the school from hell...my son's first IEP...
I have to say with darkness comes light and from the school from hell, I still took away a valuable lesson.
Maybe I shouldn't push him until he was older, so I waited...and as I waited, I would attend these home school park days where though the parents would answer my questions, they weren't exactly welcoming, and their children weren't exactly playing with mine. My son was lonely, he wanted someone to play with, he wanted a friend, I wanted him to have a friend. I wanted him to be happy. I had already gone to the regional center and found no help. I had a feeling the school would be the same. I was at a lost. I didn't know what to do?
I still taught my son orally how to read and we did math, and would do art projects and learn about science. I guess I taught him social studies by example, he knew his address and phone number and about city, state, etc. Though even from the beginning I guess I could say I was unschooling in the way of Social Studies.
One day, at the park my son hit it off really well with another little boy, and the mom and I hit it off pretty well too. Then they didn't come back for awhile, which made me sad, and then one day they did, and then they started coming more regularly. Which turned into exchanging of phone numbers and extra play dates, and I am happy to say, 4 years later. That little boy is still my son's best friend in the world. They are born 1 year and 1 day apart. My son is older. So, he finally had a friend. And the mom and I had similar views on education. We thought co-ops schooling would be best, but didn't know how to start one. We were constantly on the look out for 2 or 3 other moms that had our views to try and start a co-op school type setting.
We found one for awhile but it fizzled rather quickly. Disappointing, we finally learned about a home school interactive, hands on project based, learning center. The plus the class sizes were small and the subjects were sooo cool, the draw back was the price. As a single mom I couldn't afford those prices. So, I went to a meeting that the owner put on. And there I learned about charter schools and how they would pay you to home school. There was a new charter school just starting...it was going to give the parents the most money any charter before had ever given out. I signed up...little did I know that this charter was the charter from hell....and little did the owner of the project based learning school know that in her recommending this charter almost cost her her business as they truly were a horrible school.
Next up...the school from hell...my son's first IEP...
I have to say with darkness comes light and from the school from hell, I still took away a valuable lesson.
Saturday, October 29, 2016
The struggle with diagnosing Autsim
My son was a unique baby from his birth. My mother though only a mother of 3 ran a daycare for years, often caring for babies. I personally was a nanny for 8 years and worked in a daycare in the infant room for 2 years. So to say we had been around a lot of babies would be an understatement, yet both of us said we never scene a baby act the way my son did. What little I knew about Autism, I knew that he couldn't be that, my son was meeting his mile stones, even despite his club foot, and autistic children don't speak or make eye contact, my son makes eye contact most of the time, and he speaks and walks within normal range. But...he did do the following:
Self harm when frustrated/angry
"stim" (I didn't know what this was called, why I put it in "")
It was a hit and miss with eye contact
There were certain things he would focus in on, ignoring other things (example he loved playing with other children, while playing as a toddler he would fall and get hurt and would be angry if I made him stop playing so I can clean him up)
"Seeker" (again I put it in "" because its another term I didn't really understand until I research Autism more)
Lack fine motor skills
The self harm, started early I believe he was about 5 or 6 months old when he would hit himself hard. The only thing I could think to do was hold his arms down and kiss his head and I would rock with him and ask him not to do it. Eventually he would rock and only calm down when I would hold him and kiss his head. I don't know how I got him to do that, and those that evaluated him found it odd too. But I was happy it stopped.
I would search online for what it could be that my son had, though I don't know why I wanted to label it or if I wanted the label I would go back and forth. I would fill out 'is your child autistic" surveys and sometimes it would say yes and sometimes no. Besides self harming, the total focus on some thing so much so that even when he was bleeding and needed help also worried me. Then when he got to be about 5 and getting ready for school, and he would have panic attacks when we would try to write and melt downs. I finally said enough. So I went to North Valley Regional Center, asked for an evaluation. They told me he had ADHD, and needed a little OT but wasn't autistic.
I figured he had ADHD, he is a very hyper child, but I knew it had to be more. Because he was so stressed about school work, I was afraid to put him in school. My mom told me that Kindergarten is actually not required in California, and maybe I should take a year off and help him grow and he will maybe do better next year. During that time, I had heard about homeschooling from my natural birth instructor, and I knew they met close to my house. So I showed up at the park, and these parents where very unschooling. They told me that a boy wouldn't be ready to be even taught before the age of 7 and I shouldn't push anything until then. Part of me thought....ok maybe it was true. After all they wouldn't test my brother for learning disability until he was 7. So, I didn't push it, but taught my son orally reading and mathematics. We would trace things but I would never ask him to free draw as that is when the anxious hit. He was progressing fast in math, and liked reading but it was hard to teach spelling or anything with writing because of his anxious.
I was still doing more research, trying to understand my son, and more I researched about "Asperger," the more I was like this is my son. Then I looked into OT (occupational therapy) and was like yes this is what my son needs, how do I get it? What should I do? During this frustration of not really understanding what fully OT was and where to go? Frustrated, still researching like crazy and not knowing what to do. I felt lost like my son was too "neurotypical" to be autistic but not "neurotypical" enough to be considered normal. Was there no help for me?
(to be continue...)
I am leaving the story here because the next blog of "What is typical for a boy and what is not?" will talk more about my frustrations and struggle with diagnosis...and even then my questions are not answered. "The School from hell" gives me answers but still fear and frustration and questioning myself. It wasn't until "ABM" that I finally feel happy...and that took until my son was 9 years old. I am writing this all down so that hopefully if you are struggling with an autistic child, wondering what to do...what not to do...some of this will help you. Once I catch you up on our story, I am going to write more about everyday things. We go geocaching, projects, and vacations. Please subscribe and stay tuned...and share this blog with anyone you think it will help.
Self harm when frustrated/angry
"stim" (I didn't know what this was called, why I put it in "")
It was a hit and miss with eye contact
There were certain things he would focus in on, ignoring other things (example he loved playing with other children, while playing as a toddler he would fall and get hurt and would be angry if I made him stop playing so I can clean him up)
"Seeker" (again I put it in "" because its another term I didn't really understand until I research Autism more)
Lack fine motor skills
The self harm, started early I believe he was about 5 or 6 months old when he would hit himself hard. The only thing I could think to do was hold his arms down and kiss his head and I would rock with him and ask him not to do it. Eventually he would rock and only calm down when I would hold him and kiss his head. I don't know how I got him to do that, and those that evaluated him found it odd too. But I was happy it stopped.
I would search online for what it could be that my son had, though I don't know why I wanted to label it or if I wanted the label I would go back and forth. I would fill out 'is your child autistic" surveys and sometimes it would say yes and sometimes no. Besides self harming, the total focus on some thing so much so that even when he was bleeding and needed help also worried me. Then when he got to be about 5 and getting ready for school, and he would have panic attacks when we would try to write and melt downs. I finally said enough. So I went to North Valley Regional Center, asked for an evaluation. They told me he had ADHD, and needed a little OT but wasn't autistic.
I figured he had ADHD, he is a very hyper child, but I knew it had to be more. Because he was so stressed about school work, I was afraid to put him in school. My mom told me that Kindergarten is actually not required in California, and maybe I should take a year off and help him grow and he will maybe do better next year. During that time, I had heard about homeschooling from my natural birth instructor, and I knew they met close to my house. So I showed up at the park, and these parents where very unschooling. They told me that a boy wouldn't be ready to be even taught before the age of 7 and I shouldn't push anything until then. Part of me thought....ok maybe it was true. After all they wouldn't test my brother for learning disability until he was 7. So, I didn't push it, but taught my son orally reading and mathematics. We would trace things but I would never ask him to free draw as that is when the anxious hit. He was progressing fast in math, and liked reading but it was hard to teach spelling or anything with writing because of his anxious.
I was still doing more research, trying to understand my son, and more I researched about "Asperger," the more I was like this is my son. Then I looked into OT (occupational therapy) and was like yes this is what my son needs, how do I get it? What should I do? During this frustration of not really understanding what fully OT was and where to go? Frustrated, still researching like crazy and not knowing what to do. I felt lost like my son was too "neurotypical" to be autistic but not "neurotypical" enough to be considered normal. Was there no help for me?
(to be continue...)
I am leaving the story here because the next blog of "What is typical for a boy and what is not?" will talk more about my frustrations and struggle with diagnosis...and even then my questions are not answered. "The School from hell" gives me answers but still fear and frustration and questioning myself. It wasn't until "ABM" that I finally feel happy...and that took until my son was 9 years old. I am writing this all down so that hopefully if you are struggling with an autistic child, wondering what to do...what not to do...some of this will help you. Once I catch you up on our story, I am going to write more about everyday things. We go geocaching, projects, and vacations. Please subscribe and stay tuned...and share this blog with anyone you think it will help.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Club Foot....discovering new methods
My son was born with a bilateral clubfoot. Here is your first picture of my child...to show what is a bilateral clubfoot. If you notices his left foot and how it is position.
I went with the ponseti method for correcting his club foot and at 3 days old he was put into a cast.
On his 2 month birth date, he went in for simple surgery where they used laser to stretch the tended. After surgery healed completely, I was suppose to put him in shoe bars on him and have him wear them all the time. This was at about 4 months. For visual aid I will show what that is...
Now, I had him wear it for 1.5 days and for that 1.5 days he screamed the whole time, like in pain screamed, wouldn't stop except for when he passed out from crying. The doctor told me he would stop but needed to wear the device. I couldn't take it any more so I took it off, and I took him to my chiropractor, was going to take him anyways as I felt the heavy cast on one leg would mess with his hips. After an adjustment I notice his foot was even more flexible than before, so I then sought bowman therapist and asked about stretching muscles and strengthening my son's foot. She taught me a simple massage that I needed to do 3 times a day to help stretch the foot. I though I will try this for a few weeks and see what happens. So, I took him for weekly chiropractic and bowman treatments and massaged his foot often. Without telling his club foot Doctor who was the expert in all of So Cal people drove hours to see him, I brought him to his appointment. The doctor examined him and was impressed with his range of motion, he also commented that he was surprised that my son was showing no hip problems, when I said I took him to a chiropractor, the doctor has not nice things to say about that so I didn't bother telling him the rest. That I wasn't using his contraption but was doing alternate ideas. This was the first time, I sought other methods but still went to a specialist to see what they had to say...but it wouldn't be the last.
Here is an after photo of my baby at exactly 8 months (his specialist doctor said he wouldn't walk or wear regular shoes until at least 15 months, when we started with the contraption). Notice his left foot looks normal and is flat on the ground.
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| Getting read for his first bath ever |
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| Just home from getting cast, mommy cried more than he did. |
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| Not my picture something I found online |
Now, I had him wear it for 1.5 days and for that 1.5 days he screamed the whole time, like in pain screamed, wouldn't stop except for when he passed out from crying. The doctor told me he would stop but needed to wear the device. I couldn't take it any more so I took it off, and I took him to my chiropractor, was going to take him anyways as I felt the heavy cast on one leg would mess with his hips. After an adjustment I notice his foot was even more flexible than before, so I then sought bowman therapist and asked about stretching muscles and strengthening my son's foot. She taught me a simple massage that I needed to do 3 times a day to help stretch the foot. I though I will try this for a few weeks and see what happens. So, I took him for weekly chiropractic and bowman treatments and massaged his foot often. Without telling his club foot Doctor who was the expert in all of So Cal people drove hours to see him, I brought him to his appointment. The doctor examined him and was impressed with his range of motion, he also commented that he was surprised that my son was showing no hip problems, when I said I took him to a chiropractor, the doctor has not nice things to say about that so I didn't bother telling him the rest. That I wasn't using his contraption but was doing alternate ideas. This was the first time, I sought other methods but still went to a specialist to see what they had to say...but it wouldn't be the last.
Here is an after photo of my baby at exactly 8 months (his specialist doctor said he wouldn't walk or wear regular shoes until at least 15 months, when we started with the contraption). Notice his left foot looks normal and is flat on the ground.
Friday, October 14, 2016
The strugle to tie a shoe....fine motor skill fight.
I know I was going to catch you guys up on the history of my struggles until this point to teach my twice exceptional child. But, I was just so excited and proud of all the accomplishments he has been making lately, that I just had to jump ahead...and hopefully this first ever video I am about to post will help your child weather struggling or not, learn to tie his/her own shoe.
I made the video a bit long because I wanted to show the evolution of finding what was right for our family. Maybe one of the other methods will help your child more than the one that finally helped mine, though most of my friends seem to like the finally method, the best. There are 4 different methods shown.
Why did I have to teach him this skill now? Because once your very tall child with big feet hits a certain size, you either have to choose tie shoes or ugly Velcro shoes. You could use
But, I don't know it was just something I just had to let him try and see if he can do. He is progressing so much with ABM. (I know I know I haven't told you what ABM is yet, it is coming and I promise I will come back and link that blog to this one when I finally write about the blessing that is ABM), that I had to see if it was possible and it is. I am so happy about it...so without further ado here is my youtube video on how to tie your shoes....later I may video my son doing it and link the video here too.
If you have any questions let me know. Hope you enjoy it, and I really hope in helps you to teach your child how to tie their shoes. Every Sunday I am still going to be posting my story up to this point in quick over views until I feel I have caught up, but in the mean time during the week, don't be surprised if I write a blog about what we are doing right now.
I made the video a bit long because I wanted to show the evolution of finding what was right for our family. Maybe one of the other methods will help your child more than the one that finally helped mine, though most of my friends seem to like the finally method, the best. There are 4 different methods shown.
Why did I have to teach him this skill now? Because once your very tall child with big feet hits a certain size, you either have to choose tie shoes or ugly Velcro shoes. You could use
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| Hickies |
If you have any questions let me know. Hope you enjoy it, and I really hope in helps you to teach your child how to tie their shoes. Every Sunday I am still going to be posting my story up to this point in quick over views until I feel I have caught up, but in the mean time during the week, don't be surprised if I write a blog about what we are doing right now.
Sunday, October 9, 2016
When things don't go your way...Breastfeeding fail...and success!
My son was born at 9 pounds even, three weeks in and he was 8 pounds. I thought he was colic, he would cry a lot...I would breastfeed on demand and felt like he was always asking but cry. I paid money to a breastfeed specialist who told me there was no hope, my pediatrician was threatening CPS, and...I was overwhelmed and tired...
So, that night about 3 weeks after he was born, I feed him from by breast and then afterwards made a 2 oz bottle of formula (what a normal feeding would be)...and my mom sat down and feed it to him. He sucked it all up, and was happy for the first time. But I wasn't I cried, I didn't know why my body had failed me, I didn't have time to research but now I do, so next time I will be prepared...I didn't know PCOS affected your milk supply. Despite, being given a bottle my son still refused a bottle from me but only boob. That made me so happy that despite being hunger he only wanted boob milk from me, and he took boob milk for 15 months, I wanted 24 months but considering the fact that my milk was so low I consider it a big victory!
Here is a favorite story of mine about breastfeeding. When he was about 4 months old...he had empty me out, but was super hungry, no one else was home so I prepared a bottle and try to give it to him...he refused because I am only allowed to give boob juice. Frustrated, I called my mom at work, so she suggested that I laid him on her bed with her nightgown and try. That worked, part of me was so happy about it another was so frustrated that he wouldn't take the bottle even though he was hungry.
Somethings I have learned that I want to try next time:
Dark Beer (actually I did try this about two months in and it was the only time I almost felt FULL, I think if I hadn't introduced the formula and kept it up, this would have worked well)
Skin to skin contact while feeding
Pumping after feeding
Drink my weight in water
Supplements to take:
Fennel
Milk Thistle
fenugreek
Progesterone
Something I don't think I would try but read about was eating your placenta in capsule form.
Up next: Club foot, which operation? My new unique approach that no one I know has ever done!
Coming up later in the series:
Is he or isn't he, the struggle to understand, diagnosis and accepting his Autism
The search for a job that won't take me from my son.
What is normal for a boy and what isn't, the first struggle of educational decisions
He needs friends, he needs socialization, am I making a mistake homeschooling?
The school from "hell!" The fight for what is right, but what if there is some truth in their words?
Will ABA help? What else can I do for him?
His unique approach to learning math facts, could it help your child
A blessing has come! Relieve and tears of joy
So, that night about 3 weeks after he was born, I feed him from by breast and then afterwards made a 2 oz bottle of formula (what a normal feeding would be)...and my mom sat down and feed it to him. He sucked it all up, and was happy for the first time. But I wasn't I cried, I didn't know why my body had failed me, I didn't have time to research but now I do, so next time I will be prepared...I didn't know PCOS affected your milk supply. Despite, being given a bottle my son still refused a bottle from me but only boob. That made me so happy that despite being hunger he only wanted boob milk from me, and he took boob milk for 15 months, I wanted 24 months but considering the fact that my milk was so low I consider it a big victory!
Here is a favorite story of mine about breastfeeding. When he was about 4 months old...he had empty me out, but was super hungry, no one else was home so I prepared a bottle and try to give it to him...he refused because I am only allowed to give boob juice. Frustrated, I called my mom at work, so she suggested that I laid him on her bed with her nightgown and try. That worked, part of me was so happy about it another was so frustrated that he wouldn't take the bottle even though he was hungry.
Somethings I have learned that I want to try next time:
Dark Beer (actually I did try this about two months in and it was the only time I almost felt FULL, I think if I hadn't introduced the formula and kept it up, this would have worked well)
Skin to skin contact while feeding
Pumping after feeding
Drink my weight in water
Supplements to take:
Fennel
Milk Thistle
fenugreek
Progesterone
Something I don't think I would try but read about was eating your placenta in capsule form.
Up next: Club foot, which operation? My new unique approach that no one I know has ever done!
Coming up later in the series:
Is he or isn't he, the struggle to understand, diagnosis and accepting his Autism
The search for a job that won't take me from my son.
What is normal for a boy and what isn't, the first struggle of educational decisions
He needs friends, he needs socialization, am I making a mistake homeschooling?
The school from "hell!" The fight for what is right, but what if there is some truth in their words?
Will ABA help? What else can I do for him?
His unique approach to learning math facts, could it help your child
A blessing has come! Relieve and tears of joy
Sunday, October 2, 2016
Single from the start...the birth story.
My son is already 9 as I start this blog. I have had many friends say I should write down my journey as it may help others. I must start out by saying I feel I am a horrible writer. Usually long winded and am horrible about taking pictures to help document the journey. But, I research the crap out of everything and I think that is where my friends feel I have been helpful. I have made mistakes on my journey and even rationalized and listened to some bad advice thru my journey so far and I am sure I will make more mistakes. So, where to begin? I am not sure...perhaps the beginning of the journey is best. I may move fast thru the early years but if I say something that catches your interest and you would like for me to expand...please leave a comment it will help me, to help you.
Its positive. When I saw that I was pregnant, I was so scared, I knew I alone in this, I also knew that I could NEVER EVER have an abortion. With fear and shaking I called my amazing mother, sobbing so hard it took me saying it at least three times before it registered. She was so positive about it, by the end of the call I was still scared but also a little excited. See, since forever my mom said I was always next to a baby, asking questions and trying to hold a baby. I was 5 when I declared I would have 100 babies, and I was determent to start right at the age of 5. I question my mom over and over again, she tried to always keep the information relative to my age, but with my pestering she finally gave in and gave me more details...I then at 5 declared I was adopting all 100 babies because I would never...lol. But, of course I changed my mind about adopting...but then more disappointment came my way. My cycle was never 'normal' and early on I was diagnosed with PCOS. With my periods NEVER being normal, almost every doctor I saw told me that it would be next to impossible to conceive naturally, yet I did, at the age of 24. Barely on my own, and now with this news I was back with my amazing supportive parents.
After the first two appointments with the first OB I found in my health care book, whom ironically specialized in women who can't get pregnant helps them to get pregnant, I found we wouldn't be a good fit. He was amazing doctor, he was able to get my son's heart beat showing up at 7 weeks, which according to most sites is really hard. But, he was all about drugs, and I wanted a natural birth. So, we parted ways amicably, he wished me luck but with a you will change your mind about 'natural birth'. The next doctor again, I choose for a stupid reason, and I wish I could remember her name to warn others off of her....I choose her out of my book because she was the only doctor at the same hospital that I was born at that accepted my insurance. By the time I went to see her, I had already scene a naturalist whom took my pregnancy symptoms and also where my child was in development and created a set of vitamins that were more specific that just plan prenatal. So my ONLY appointment with her, when I say I was feeling amazing and still in my first trimester, she told me that is a sign that I am loosing the baby, and I should prepare myself. And perhaps it would be a blessing since the situation wasn't ideal. She ran a bunch of test and said prepare yourself for the results to confirm what she said. Well they didn't confirm what she said instead they said everything was NORMAL. I left more upset and at a loss than ever. I didn't know anyone that was pregnant around me. I found a natural birth class but I was still not far enough along to join so I just email the teacher and asked for a list of doctors she might know that are more natural. So, she sent me a list, only two of the doctors were on my insurance and both were not taking anymore patients, but one just took on a partner and that one is taking patients. So I went and saw her, she gave lip services of saying she was a naturalist. Though she secretly ran all the test the other doctor did even though she had their results and she over charged me for a lot of thing (things I didn't know about until I found my midwife, and my mid wife informed me the other doctor ran a bunch of unnecessary test) When I finally was at the point of classes where I needed to give my birth plan, that is when this new doctors true colors showed. She laughed and said "no" this is how its going to go down (you will have an iv of drugs to speed up the labor if you aren't at 5 cm when your water breaks and I will break the water if you are pass 8 and it hasn't, the baby will be taken away to be bathed asap, etc). I was so upset. I told my mom I wasn't showing up to the hospital until I felt like I had to push (the hospital was 3 miles from our house) and if I had it at home so be it. So, at the next natural birth class after the class was over, my mom approached the teacher and explained what happened at my last appointment, how I felt and asked for advice. She recommend a home birth, I was like the mess, I don't know. She said her friend was having a seminar about it that weekend and I should attended and just see. She said she thought I was a good candidate, she said she can usually tell who is really going to go natural and who thinks they will but will give in and she said she thought I would be one that will go all the way. So, I went to the seminar....and fell in love...I was kicking myself for wasting so much time, allowing the "norm" views to skew my thoughts that "home-birth" are dangerous. The facts speak for themselves if you are health and the baby is...its actually healthier for you and your child to not be in the germ ridden hospital.
With my home-birth midwives, they were even more amazing. They didn't judge about any decision, they didn't pressure, I debated about circumcision (I knew my brother and father were, I remember in high school only one boy was not, and in health class when it was found out that he wasn't the rest of the class teased him relentlessly, I didn't want that for my son, but then I also found it to be an out dated practices only done in America and by Jewish families. ), she gave me great advice. I wasn't sure about vaccinations. Again, she helped me. And the best thing she did was, she knew when to speak and went to keep quite...What do I mean by that. I had a relatively simple birth, but if I was in a hospital I would have had a traumatic experience. My son was late coming, a week after my due date, I had an appointment with my mid wife. I was 0' 0, no sign of birth coming, she told me I would have to have a ultrasound in 5 days and if things didn't look good I would have to go to the hospital and induce. :(. After I left her with a list of things I could do. I went to North Hollywood to have the famous induce labor salad, then I went to my amazing chiropractor who worked long and hard to make sure my hips were perfectly Aline, and finally to my massage therapist that worked hard on pressure points that should open you up. That evening, my mom and I went for a walk uphill. We then stopped at a local hang out spot, while talking with friends my lower back started to hurt, I started to feel antsy like I had to pee but I didn't, I didn't want to sit I didn't want to stand. So, we went home and I fell asleep, still feeling strange...I would say there was some braxton hicks going on but they were so light that I wasn't sure, perhaps they were more, but they weren't painful and everything I was told was that they had to be 5 minutes apart of constant contractions and I wasn't having that, and beside I still fell asleep with easy. So the next day, I lost my plug at around 11 am, at 1, I went to lunch with my mom and we thought we should see a movie as this would be the last time I could for awhile, but nothing was playing that I wanted to see at the moment so we walked the mall, as we were walking, the first wow I have to stop and catch my breath contraction hit. I was like hmm interest, but when we got back to the car and drove home, no other pain hit me again. The strange light contractions were still going on but I could completely ignore them after all cramps hurt more than this...so at 6 pm, the antsy but I had completely cleaned the house only that morning as I had almost every morning for the last two weeks, feeling was back so I emailed my then boss and asked him to send the data stuff over so I can write up the report...because it will give me something to do. (I was a personal assistant at the time). So I am writing up the report and I started to actually feel distinctive contractions, it wasn't this light irregular contract release but rather distinctive contract hard release, contract hard release, hmmm how far apart are theses distinctive contractions...5 minutes...5 MINUTES...OMG I am sitting and they are coming 5 minutes apart. I save my work jump up and rush to tell my mom...She tells me to call the midwife. I call her up and she talks to me for about 20 minutes, she even could tell in my voice when a contraction would start and end, I was like wow how did you know I didn't think my voice changed...she told me she would see me the next morning unless my water broke or something changed. So I hang up from her, and declared the bathroom needed to be scrubbed again just in case I wanted to labor in there, my mom said she would do it and I should bring out the supplies the midwife said I needed to buy and have on hand for her. So I prepare my bed again pulled out all the supplies, I was so excited I worked thru the pain with easy after all when my periods did show, their cramps were 10 times worst than this pain and often times I had to work thru those as I couldn't always call of work. So, after everything was set up, my mom comes in and say get those shoes on lets walk this labor into high gear. I told her I didn't want to, I wanted to pee but I knew I didn't have to, but I just wanted to. She told me remember in all the birth videos we saw...a lot of the women were on the toilet in them, perhaps this is why. So I sat on the toilet backwards, my mom massaging my back, she then said she was going to go heat up our heating pads. As she went to do that, I laid my head on the cool of the toilet and worked thru the contractions. WOW they are finally getting hard, oh the pressure I want to push.
"MMMMOOOOOMMM!" She comes back to me.
"I want to push."
"NO you can't be that far along, let me feel" She puts her hands around my stomach..."Ok you have to get off the toilet, we don't want that type of home birth"
"But I still have that pee feeling I don't want to pee on my bed"
"I'll put a chuck pad down"
I shake my head OK, I go to stand, pain contraction caught me, sit down this time facing the right way...I breath thru the pain, as soon as the pain easy up I bolt to my bed. I am on all fours, my mom is on the phone calling the midwife, she was looking at me, begging me not to push so she wouldn't have to deliver the baby. I am begging to push to easy the pain, we compromise, I can push just enough to easy the pain but not too hard....lol. After what was only 5 contractions, my midwife is there, she quickly exams me, and then asks why I am not really pushing. I was like I really can its ok. She laughs and say of course. At that moment I wanted to kiss her. I don't know why I needed the permission but I did. I asked for water, they give it to me. I push and push, I am not liking this position so then I go to a somewhat siting laying position where the midwife assistant holds my leg up and my bed supports the other leg and my mom supports my simi sitting position, and midwife ready to catch. I push and I feel this bulge touch my thigh, the second time it touches my leg it explodes, my water has broken...I now feel my son's head. HE WON'T FIT, I feel it he isn't going to fit. I say this thought out loud with out missing a beat, the mid wife, assistant and my mom all say "yes he will" Contractions continue...OK I am done, I have no more energy, I want to stop. I again announce this to the room, my midwife promises this is the finally push. With all my strength I push and my son shots out of me like superman from hand over his head all the way to his toes, no head wait and then the rest. (at 9:38 pm) My first words out is NO the umbilici cord. A silly fear of mine was the cord would be wrapped somewhere cutting off circulation. My midwife plays jump rope with it showing me it's fine. He was so beautiful I just didn't want to let him go. My midwife has to sew me up, 9 stitches.(See my midwife never told me that birthing a head that was off the charts with a hand next to it would be extra hard and I needed to push extra hard, she kept it all to herself because she knew I would have stressed more instead she just encouraged me, and of course at the hospital if they would have say this HUGE head and hand they would have said it was impossible to deliver naturally and I would have had a c-section, I know because doctors have told me so). The mid wife after awhile ask if I would please take a shower and pee which she needed to make sure I did before she could leave, I was like I am not ready to let him go, she says ok...a few more minutes and I agree.
After she sees that I can pee, she leaves me to shower, I get out get dress and the special frozen pad they had prepared for me to wear after birth, walk out and see my mom happily rocking her new grandson, my midwife writing the letter I need to get his birth certificated and the assistant throwing my sheets into the washing machine. So I go to the kitchen and start making dinner, because I missed mine, my midwife comes in at this point and demands to know what I am doing I said I am hungry I want dinner, she said I just gave birth and I need to be waited on hand and foot for the next three days...lol. So I go get in bed and try to nurse but my son isn't interested...so I put him next to me and eat my dinner, as my mom shows the midwife and assistant out. My mom takes my dinner dishes and announces she is going to bed. My son is sound asleep, I put him in the bassinet next to my bed, and I lay down staring at the bassinet, I can't sleep I don't like that I can't feel him. So I grab him, bring him to bed, but I am afraid I was going to suffocate him if he is right next to me, but I need to feel him. So I put his feet against my stomach and have his head away from me. Its June so I am not sleeping with a blanket or anything...and I fall asleep. After first feeding I leave him right next to my boobs, and he sleeps happily holding on to them. The next morning, he is still holding it sound asleep, I need to pee so I try to move away and he looks like a blind new kitten not opening his eyes but moving his hands and head around until I put my boob next to him again and he finds it and settles. At that moment my mom knocks and enters my room, I show her again what he does, then giggles and say ok I really have to pee can you watch him.
So that was my birth story.
My next blog will be my struggles with breast feeding, my mistakes and my heartache there.
(I am going to try to write one a week, maybe more, and hopefully they will be shorter in length...I told you I was long winded...lol)
Coming up later in the series:
Club foot, which operation? My new unique approach that no one I know has ever done!
Is he or isn't he, the struggle to understand, diagnosis and accepting his Autism
The search for a job that won't take me from my son.
What is normal for a boy and what isn't, the first struggle of educational decisions
He needs friends, he needs socialization, am I making a mistake homeschooling?
The school from "hell!" The fight for what is right, but what if there is some truth in their words?
Will ABA help? What else can I do for him?
His unique approach to learning math facts, could it help your child
A blessing has come! Relieve and tears of joy
Its positive. When I saw that I was pregnant, I was so scared, I knew I alone in this, I also knew that I could NEVER EVER have an abortion. With fear and shaking I called my amazing mother, sobbing so hard it took me saying it at least three times before it registered. She was so positive about it, by the end of the call I was still scared but also a little excited. See, since forever my mom said I was always next to a baby, asking questions and trying to hold a baby. I was 5 when I declared I would have 100 babies, and I was determent to start right at the age of 5. I question my mom over and over again, she tried to always keep the information relative to my age, but with my pestering she finally gave in and gave me more details...I then at 5 declared I was adopting all 100 babies because I would never...lol. But, of course I changed my mind about adopting...but then more disappointment came my way. My cycle was never 'normal' and early on I was diagnosed with PCOS. With my periods NEVER being normal, almost every doctor I saw told me that it would be next to impossible to conceive naturally, yet I did, at the age of 24. Barely on my own, and now with this news I was back with my amazing supportive parents.
After the first two appointments with the first OB I found in my health care book, whom ironically specialized in women who can't get pregnant helps them to get pregnant, I found we wouldn't be a good fit. He was amazing doctor, he was able to get my son's heart beat showing up at 7 weeks, which according to most sites is really hard. But, he was all about drugs, and I wanted a natural birth. So, we parted ways amicably, he wished me luck but with a you will change your mind about 'natural birth'. The next doctor again, I choose for a stupid reason, and I wish I could remember her name to warn others off of her....I choose her out of my book because she was the only doctor at the same hospital that I was born at that accepted my insurance. By the time I went to see her, I had already scene a naturalist whom took my pregnancy symptoms and also where my child was in development and created a set of vitamins that were more specific that just plan prenatal. So my ONLY appointment with her, when I say I was feeling amazing and still in my first trimester, she told me that is a sign that I am loosing the baby, and I should prepare myself. And perhaps it would be a blessing since the situation wasn't ideal. She ran a bunch of test and said prepare yourself for the results to confirm what she said. Well they didn't confirm what she said instead they said everything was NORMAL. I left more upset and at a loss than ever. I didn't know anyone that was pregnant around me. I found a natural birth class but I was still not far enough along to join so I just email the teacher and asked for a list of doctors she might know that are more natural. So, she sent me a list, only two of the doctors were on my insurance and both were not taking anymore patients, but one just took on a partner and that one is taking patients. So I went and saw her, she gave lip services of saying she was a naturalist. Though she secretly ran all the test the other doctor did even though she had their results and she over charged me for a lot of thing (things I didn't know about until I found my midwife, and my mid wife informed me the other doctor ran a bunch of unnecessary test) When I finally was at the point of classes where I needed to give my birth plan, that is when this new doctors true colors showed. She laughed and said "no" this is how its going to go down (you will have an iv of drugs to speed up the labor if you aren't at 5 cm when your water breaks and I will break the water if you are pass 8 and it hasn't, the baby will be taken away to be bathed asap, etc). I was so upset. I told my mom I wasn't showing up to the hospital until I felt like I had to push (the hospital was 3 miles from our house) and if I had it at home so be it. So, at the next natural birth class after the class was over, my mom approached the teacher and explained what happened at my last appointment, how I felt and asked for advice. She recommend a home birth, I was like the mess, I don't know. She said her friend was having a seminar about it that weekend and I should attended and just see. She said she thought I was a good candidate, she said she can usually tell who is really going to go natural and who thinks they will but will give in and she said she thought I would be one that will go all the way. So, I went to the seminar....and fell in love...I was kicking myself for wasting so much time, allowing the "norm" views to skew my thoughts that "home-birth" are dangerous. The facts speak for themselves if you are health and the baby is...its actually healthier for you and your child to not be in the germ ridden hospital.
With my home-birth midwives, they were even more amazing. They didn't judge about any decision, they didn't pressure, I debated about circumcision (I knew my brother and father were, I remember in high school only one boy was not, and in health class when it was found out that he wasn't the rest of the class teased him relentlessly, I didn't want that for my son, but then I also found it to be an out dated practices only done in America and by Jewish families. ), she gave me great advice. I wasn't sure about vaccinations. Again, she helped me. And the best thing she did was, she knew when to speak and went to keep quite...What do I mean by that. I had a relatively simple birth, but if I was in a hospital I would have had a traumatic experience. My son was late coming, a week after my due date, I had an appointment with my mid wife. I was 0' 0, no sign of birth coming, she told me I would have to have a ultrasound in 5 days and if things didn't look good I would have to go to the hospital and induce. :(. After I left her with a list of things I could do. I went to North Hollywood to have the famous induce labor salad, then I went to my amazing chiropractor who worked long and hard to make sure my hips were perfectly Aline, and finally to my massage therapist that worked hard on pressure points that should open you up. That evening, my mom and I went for a walk uphill. We then stopped at a local hang out spot, while talking with friends my lower back started to hurt, I started to feel antsy like I had to pee but I didn't, I didn't want to sit I didn't want to stand. So, we went home and I fell asleep, still feeling strange...I would say there was some braxton hicks going on but they were so light that I wasn't sure, perhaps they were more, but they weren't painful and everything I was told was that they had to be 5 minutes apart of constant contractions and I wasn't having that, and beside I still fell asleep with easy. So the next day, I lost my plug at around 11 am, at 1, I went to lunch with my mom and we thought we should see a movie as this would be the last time I could for awhile, but nothing was playing that I wanted to see at the moment so we walked the mall, as we were walking, the first wow I have to stop and catch my breath contraction hit. I was like hmm interest, but when we got back to the car and drove home, no other pain hit me again. The strange light contractions were still going on but I could completely ignore them after all cramps hurt more than this...so at 6 pm, the antsy but I had completely cleaned the house only that morning as I had almost every morning for the last two weeks, feeling was back so I emailed my then boss and asked him to send the data stuff over so I can write up the report...because it will give me something to do. (I was a personal assistant at the time). So I am writing up the report and I started to actually feel distinctive contractions, it wasn't this light irregular contract release but rather distinctive contract hard release, contract hard release, hmmm how far apart are theses distinctive contractions...5 minutes...5 MINUTES...OMG I am sitting and they are coming 5 minutes apart. I save my work jump up and rush to tell my mom...She tells me to call the midwife. I call her up and she talks to me for about 20 minutes, she even could tell in my voice when a contraction would start and end, I was like wow how did you know I didn't think my voice changed...she told me she would see me the next morning unless my water broke or something changed. So I hang up from her, and declared the bathroom needed to be scrubbed again just in case I wanted to labor in there, my mom said she would do it and I should bring out the supplies the midwife said I needed to buy and have on hand for her. So I prepare my bed again pulled out all the supplies, I was so excited I worked thru the pain with easy after all when my periods did show, their cramps were 10 times worst than this pain and often times I had to work thru those as I couldn't always call of work. So, after everything was set up, my mom comes in and say get those shoes on lets walk this labor into high gear. I told her I didn't want to, I wanted to pee but I knew I didn't have to, but I just wanted to. She told me remember in all the birth videos we saw...a lot of the women were on the toilet in them, perhaps this is why. So I sat on the toilet backwards, my mom massaging my back, she then said she was going to go heat up our heating pads. As she went to do that, I laid my head on the cool of the toilet and worked thru the contractions. WOW they are finally getting hard, oh the pressure I want to push.
"MMMMOOOOOMMM!" She comes back to me.
"I want to push."
"NO you can't be that far along, let me feel" She puts her hands around my stomach..."Ok you have to get off the toilet, we don't want that type of home birth"
"But I still have that pee feeling I don't want to pee on my bed"
"I'll put a chuck pad down"
I shake my head OK, I go to stand, pain contraction caught me, sit down this time facing the right way...I breath thru the pain, as soon as the pain easy up I bolt to my bed. I am on all fours, my mom is on the phone calling the midwife, she was looking at me, begging me not to push so she wouldn't have to deliver the baby. I am begging to push to easy the pain, we compromise, I can push just enough to easy the pain but not too hard....lol. After what was only 5 contractions, my midwife is there, she quickly exams me, and then asks why I am not really pushing. I was like I really can its ok. She laughs and say of course. At that moment I wanted to kiss her. I don't know why I needed the permission but I did. I asked for water, they give it to me. I push and push, I am not liking this position so then I go to a somewhat siting laying position where the midwife assistant holds my leg up and my bed supports the other leg and my mom supports my simi sitting position, and midwife ready to catch. I push and I feel this bulge touch my thigh, the second time it touches my leg it explodes, my water has broken...I now feel my son's head. HE WON'T FIT, I feel it he isn't going to fit. I say this thought out loud with out missing a beat, the mid wife, assistant and my mom all say "yes he will" Contractions continue...OK I am done, I have no more energy, I want to stop. I again announce this to the room, my midwife promises this is the finally push. With all my strength I push and my son shots out of me like superman from hand over his head all the way to his toes, no head wait and then the rest. (at 9:38 pm) My first words out is NO the umbilici cord. A silly fear of mine was the cord would be wrapped somewhere cutting off circulation. My midwife plays jump rope with it showing me it's fine. He was so beautiful I just didn't want to let him go. My midwife has to sew me up, 9 stitches.(See my midwife never told me that birthing a head that was off the charts with a hand next to it would be extra hard and I needed to push extra hard, she kept it all to herself because she knew I would have stressed more instead she just encouraged me, and of course at the hospital if they would have say this HUGE head and hand they would have said it was impossible to deliver naturally and I would have had a c-section, I know because doctors have told me so). The mid wife after awhile ask if I would please take a shower and pee which she needed to make sure I did before she could leave, I was like I am not ready to let him go, she says ok...a few more minutes and I agree.
After she sees that I can pee, she leaves me to shower, I get out get dress and the special frozen pad they had prepared for me to wear after birth, walk out and see my mom happily rocking her new grandson, my midwife writing the letter I need to get his birth certificated and the assistant throwing my sheets into the washing machine. So I go to the kitchen and start making dinner, because I missed mine, my midwife comes in at this point and demands to know what I am doing I said I am hungry I want dinner, she said I just gave birth and I need to be waited on hand and foot for the next three days...lol. So I go get in bed and try to nurse but my son isn't interested...so I put him next to me and eat my dinner, as my mom shows the midwife and assistant out. My mom takes my dinner dishes and announces she is going to bed. My son is sound asleep, I put him in the bassinet next to my bed, and I lay down staring at the bassinet, I can't sleep I don't like that I can't feel him. So I grab him, bring him to bed, but I am afraid I was going to suffocate him if he is right next to me, but I need to feel him. So I put his feet against my stomach and have his head away from me. Its June so I am not sleeping with a blanket or anything...and I fall asleep. After first feeding I leave him right next to my boobs, and he sleeps happily holding on to them. The next morning, he is still holding it sound asleep, I need to pee so I try to move away and he looks like a blind new kitten not opening his eyes but moving his hands and head around until I put my boob next to him again and he finds it and settles. At that moment my mom knocks and enters my room, I show her again what he does, then giggles and say ok I really have to pee can you watch him.
So that was my birth story.
My next blog will be my struggles with breast feeding, my mistakes and my heartache there.
(I am going to try to write one a week, maybe more, and hopefully they will be shorter in length...I told you I was long winded...lol)
Coming up later in the series:
Club foot, which operation? My new unique approach that no one I know has ever done!
Is he or isn't he, the struggle to understand, diagnosis and accepting his Autism
The search for a job that won't take me from my son.
What is normal for a boy and what isn't, the first struggle of educational decisions
He needs friends, he needs socialization, am I making a mistake homeschooling?
The school from "hell!" The fight for what is right, but what if there is some truth in their words?
Will ABA help? What else can I do for him?
His unique approach to learning math facts, could it help your child
A blessing has come! Relieve and tears of joy
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