My son is already 9 as I start this blog. I have had many friends say I should write down my journey as it may help others. I must start out by saying I feel I am a horrible writer. Usually long winded and am horrible about taking pictures to help document the journey. But, I research the crap out of everything and I think that is where my friends feel I have been helpful. I have made mistakes on my journey and even rationalized and listened to some bad advice thru my journey so far and I am sure I will make more mistakes. So, where to begin? I am not sure...perhaps the beginning of the journey is best. I may move fast thru the early years but if I say something that catches your interest and you would like for me to expand...please leave a comment it will help me, to help you.
Its positive. When I saw that I was pregnant, I was so scared, I knew I alone in this, I also knew that I could NEVER EVER have an abortion. With fear and shaking I called my amazing mother, sobbing so hard it took me saying it at least three times before it registered. She was so positive about it, by the end of the call I was still scared but also a little excited. See, since forever my mom said I was always next to a baby, asking questions and trying to hold a baby. I was 5 when I declared I would have 100 babies, and I was determent to start right at the age of 5. I question my mom over and over again, she tried to always keep the information relative to my age, but with my pestering she finally gave in and gave me more details...I then at 5 declared I was adopting all 100 babies because I would never...lol. But, of course I changed my mind about adopting...but then more disappointment came my way. My cycle was never 'normal' and early on I was diagnosed with PCOS. With my periods NEVER being normal, almost every doctor I saw told me that it would be next to impossible to conceive naturally, yet I did, at the age of 24. Barely on my own, and now with this news I was back with my amazing supportive parents.
After the first two appointments with the first OB I found in my health care book, whom ironically specialized in women who can't get pregnant helps them to get pregnant, I found we wouldn't be a good fit. He was amazing doctor, he was able to get my son's heart beat showing up at 7 weeks, which according to most sites is really hard. But, he was all about drugs, and I wanted a natural birth. So, we parted ways amicably, he wished me luck but with a you will change your mind about 'natural birth'. The next doctor again, I choose for a stupid reason, and I wish I could remember her name to warn others off of her....I choose her out of my book because she was the only doctor at the same hospital that I was born at that accepted my insurance. By the time I went to see her, I had already scene a naturalist whom took my pregnancy symptoms and also where my child was in development and created a set of vitamins that were more specific that just plan prenatal. So my ONLY appointment with her, when I say I was feeling amazing and still in my first trimester, she told me that is a sign that I am loosing the baby, and I should prepare myself. And perhaps it would be a blessing since the situation wasn't ideal. She ran a bunch of test and said prepare yourself for the results to confirm what she said. Well they didn't confirm what she said instead they said everything was NORMAL. I left more upset and at a loss than ever. I didn't know anyone that was pregnant around me. I found a natural birth class but I was still not far enough along to join so I just email the teacher and asked for a list of doctors she might know that are more natural. So, she sent me a list, only two of the doctors were on my insurance and both were not taking anymore patients, but one just took on a partner and that one is taking patients. So I went and saw her, she gave lip services of saying she was a naturalist. Though she secretly ran all the test the other doctor did even though she had their results and she over charged me for a lot of thing (things I didn't know about until I found my midwife, and my mid wife informed me the other doctor ran a bunch of unnecessary test) When I finally was at the point of classes where I needed to give my birth plan, that is when this new doctors true colors showed. She laughed and said "no" this is how its going to go down (you will have an iv of drugs to speed up the labor if you aren't at 5 cm when your water breaks and I will break the water if you are pass 8 and it hasn't, the baby will be taken away to be bathed asap, etc). I was so upset. I told my mom I wasn't showing up to the hospital until I felt like I had to push (the hospital was 3 miles from our house) and if I had it at home so be it. So, at the next natural birth class after the class was over, my mom approached the teacher and explained what happened at my last appointment, how I felt and asked for advice. She recommend a home birth, I was like the mess, I don't know. She said her friend was having a seminar about it that weekend and I should attended and just see. She said she thought I was a good candidate, she said she can usually tell who is really going to go natural and who thinks they will but will give in and she said she thought I would be one that will go all the way. So, I went to the seminar....and fell in love...I was kicking myself for wasting so much time, allowing the "norm" views to skew my thoughts that "home-birth" are dangerous. The facts speak for themselves if you are health and the baby is...its actually healthier for you and your child to not be in the germ ridden hospital.
With my home-birth midwives, they were even more amazing. They didn't judge about any decision, they didn't pressure, I debated about circumcision (I knew my brother and father were, I remember in high school only one boy was not, and in health class when it was found out that he wasn't the rest of the class teased him relentlessly, I didn't want that for my son, but then I also found it to be an out dated practices only done in America and by Jewish families. ), she gave me great advice. I wasn't sure about vaccinations. Again, she helped me. And the best thing she did was, she knew when to speak and went to keep quite...What do I mean by that. I had a relatively simple birth, but if I was in a hospital I would have had a traumatic experience. My son was late coming, a week after my due date, I had an appointment with my mid wife. I was 0' 0, no sign of birth coming, she told me I would have to have a ultrasound in 5 days and if things didn't look good I would have to go to the hospital and induce. :(. After I left her with a list of things I could do. I went to North Hollywood to have the famous induce labor salad, then I went to my amazing chiropractor who worked long and hard to make sure my hips were perfectly Aline, and finally to my massage therapist that worked hard on pressure points that should open you up. That evening, my mom and I went for a walk uphill. We then stopped at a local hang out spot, while talking with friends my lower back started to hurt, I started to feel antsy like I had to pee but I didn't, I didn't want to sit I didn't want to stand. So, we went home and I fell asleep, still feeling strange...I would say there was some braxton hicks going on but they were so light that I wasn't sure, perhaps they were more, but they weren't painful and everything I was told was that they had to be 5 minutes apart of constant contractions and I wasn't having that, and beside I still fell asleep with easy. So the next day, I lost my plug at around 11 am, at 1, I went to lunch with my mom and we thought we should see a movie as this would be the last time I could for awhile, but nothing was playing that I wanted to see at the moment so we walked the mall, as we were walking, the first wow I have to stop and catch my breath contraction hit. I was like hmm interest, but when we got back to the car and drove home, no other pain hit me again. The strange light contractions were still going on but I could completely ignore them after all cramps hurt more than this...so at 6 pm, the antsy but I had completely cleaned the house only that morning as I had almost every morning for the last two weeks, feeling was back so I emailed my then boss and asked him to send the data stuff over so I can write up the report...because it will give me something to do. (I was a personal assistant at the time). So I am writing up the report and I started to actually feel distinctive contractions, it wasn't this light irregular contract release but rather distinctive contract hard release, contract hard release, hmmm how far apart are theses distinctive contractions...5 minutes...5 MINUTES...OMG I am sitting and they are coming 5 minutes apart. I save my work jump up and rush to tell my mom...She tells me to call the midwife. I call her up and she talks to me for about 20 minutes, she even could tell in my voice when a contraction would start and end, I was like wow how did you know I didn't think my voice changed...she told me she would see me the next morning unless my water broke or something changed. So I hang up from her, and declared the bathroom needed to be scrubbed again just in case I wanted to labor in there, my mom said she would do it and I should bring out the supplies the midwife said I needed to buy and have on hand for her. So I prepare my bed again pulled out all the supplies, I was so excited I worked thru the pain with easy after all when my periods did show, their cramps were 10 times worst than this pain and often times I had to work thru those as I couldn't always call of work. So, after everything was set up, my mom comes in and say get those shoes on lets walk this labor into high gear. I told her I didn't want to, I wanted to pee but I knew I didn't have to, but I just wanted to. She told me remember in all the birth videos we saw...a lot of the women were on the toilet in them, perhaps this is why. So I sat on the toilet backwards, my mom massaging my back, she then said she was going to go heat up our heating pads. As she went to do that, I laid my head on the cool of the toilet and worked thru the contractions. WOW they are finally getting hard, oh the pressure I want to push.
"MMMMOOOOOMMM!" She comes back to me.
"I want to push."
"NO you can't be that far along, let me feel" She puts her hands around my stomach..."Ok you have to get off the toilet, we don't want that type of home birth"
"But I still have that pee feeling I don't want to pee on my bed"
"I'll put a chuck pad down"
I shake my head OK, I go to stand, pain contraction caught me, sit down this time facing the right way...I breath thru the pain, as soon as the pain easy up I bolt to my bed. I am on all fours, my mom is on the phone calling the midwife, she was looking at me, begging me not to push so she wouldn't have to deliver the baby. I am begging to push to easy the pain, we compromise, I can push just enough to easy the pain but not too hard....lol. After what was only 5 contractions, my midwife is there, she quickly exams me, and then asks why I am not really pushing. I was like I really can its ok. She laughs and say of course. At that moment I wanted to kiss her. I don't know why I needed the permission but I did. I asked for water, they give it to me. I push and push, I am not liking this position so then I go to a somewhat siting laying position where the midwife assistant holds my leg up and my bed supports the other leg and my mom supports my simi sitting position, and midwife ready to catch. I push and I feel this bulge touch my thigh, the second time it touches my leg it explodes, my water has broken...I now feel my son's head. HE WON'T FIT, I feel it he isn't going to fit. I say this thought out loud with out missing a beat, the mid wife, assistant and my mom all say "yes he will" Contractions continue...OK I am done, I have no more energy, I want to stop. I again announce this to the room, my midwife promises this is the finally push. With all my strength I push and my son shots out of me like superman from hand over his head all the way to his toes, no head wait and then the rest. (at 9:38 pm) My first words out is NO the umbilici cord. A silly fear of mine was the cord would be wrapped somewhere cutting off circulation. My midwife plays jump rope with it showing me it's fine. He was so beautiful I just didn't want to let him go. My midwife has to sew me up, 9 stitches.(See my midwife never told me that birthing a head that was off the
charts with a hand next to it would be extra hard and I needed to push
extra hard, she kept it all to herself because she knew I would have
stressed more instead she just encouraged me, and of course at the
hospital if they would have say this HUGE head and hand they would have
said it was impossible to deliver naturally and I would have had a
c-section, I know because doctors have told me so). The mid wife after awhile ask if I would please take a shower and pee which she needed to make sure I did before she could leave, I was like I am not ready to let him go, she says ok...a few more minutes and I agree.
After she sees that I can pee, she leaves me to shower, I get out get dress and the special frozen pad they had prepared for me to wear after birth, walk out and see my mom happily rocking her new grandson, my midwife writing the letter I need to get his birth certificated and the assistant throwing my sheets into the washing machine. So I go to the kitchen and start making dinner, because I missed mine, my midwife comes in at this point and demands to know what I am doing I said I am hungry I want dinner, she said I just gave birth and I need to be waited on hand and foot for the next three days...lol. So I go get in bed and try to nurse but my son isn't interested...so I put him next to me and eat my dinner, as my mom shows the midwife and assistant out. My mom takes my dinner dishes and announces she is going to bed. My son is sound asleep, I put him in the bassinet next to my bed, and I lay down staring at the bassinet, I can't sleep I don't like that I can't feel him. So I grab him, bring him to bed, but I am afraid I was going to suffocate him if he is right next to me, but I need to feel him. So I put his feet against my stomach and have his head away from me. Its June so I am not sleeping with a blanket or anything...and I fall asleep. After first feeding I leave him right next to my boobs, and he sleeps happily holding on to them. The next morning, he is still holding it sound asleep, I need to pee so I try to move away and he looks like a blind new kitten not opening his eyes but moving his hands and head around until I put my boob next to him again and he finds it and settles. At that moment my mom knocks and enters my room, I show her again what he does, then giggles and say ok I really have to pee can you watch him.
So that was my birth story.
My next blog will be my struggles with breast feeding, my mistakes and my heartache there.
(I am going to try to write one a week, maybe more, and hopefully they will be shorter in length...I told you I was long winded...lol)
Coming up later in the series:
Club foot, which operation? My new unique approach that no one I know has ever done!
Is he or isn't he, the struggle to understand, diagnosis and accepting his Autism
The search for a job that won't take me from my son.
What is normal for a boy and what isn't, the first struggle of educational decisions
He needs friends, he needs socialization, am I making a mistake homeschooling?
The school from "hell!" The fight for what is right, but what if there is some truth in their words?
Will ABA help? What else can I do for him?
His unique approach to learning math facts, could it help your child
A blessing has come! Relieve and tears of joy
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