My son was a unique baby from his birth. My mother though only a mother of 3 ran a daycare for years, often caring for babies. I personally was a nanny for 8 years and worked in a daycare in the infant room for 2 years. So to say we had been around a lot of babies would be an understatement, yet both of us said we never scene a baby act the way my son did. What little I knew about Autism, I knew that he couldn't be that, my son was meeting his mile stones, even despite his club foot, and autistic children don't speak or make eye contact, my son makes eye contact most of the time, and he speaks and walks within normal range. But...he did do the following:
Self harm when frustrated/angry
"stim" (I didn't know what this was called, why I put it in "")
It was a hit and miss with eye contact
There were certain things he would focus in on, ignoring other things (example he loved playing with other children, while playing as a toddler he would fall and get hurt and would be angry if I made him stop playing so I can clean him up)
"Seeker" (again I put it in "" because its another term I didn't really understand until I research Autism more)
Lack fine motor skills
The self harm, started early I believe he was about 5 or 6 months old when he would hit himself hard. The only thing I could think to do was hold his arms down and kiss his head and I would rock with him and ask him not to do it. Eventually he would rock and only calm down when I would hold him and kiss his head. I don't know how I got him to do that, and those that evaluated him found it odd too. But I was happy it stopped.
I would search online for what it could be that my son had, though I don't know why I wanted to label it or if I wanted the label I would go back and forth. I would fill out 'is your child autistic" surveys and sometimes it would say yes and sometimes no. Besides self harming, the total focus on some thing so much so that even when he was bleeding and needed help also worried me. Then when he got to be about 5 and getting ready for school, and he would have panic attacks when we would try to write and melt downs. I finally said enough. So I went to North Valley Regional Center, asked for an evaluation. They told me he had ADHD, and needed a little OT but wasn't autistic.
I figured he had ADHD, he is a very hyper child, but I knew it had to be more. Because he was so stressed about school work, I was afraid to put him in school. My mom told me that Kindergarten is actually not required in California, and maybe I should take a year off and help him grow and he will maybe do better next year. During that time, I had heard about homeschooling from my natural birth instructor, and I knew they met close to my house. So I showed up at the park, and these parents where very unschooling. They told me that a boy wouldn't be ready to be even taught before the age of 7 and I shouldn't push anything until then. Part of me thought....ok maybe it was true. After all they wouldn't test my brother for learning disability until he was 7. So, I didn't push it, but taught my son orally reading and mathematics. We would trace things but I would never ask him to free draw as that is when the anxious hit. He was progressing fast in math, and liked reading but it was hard to teach spelling or anything with writing because of his anxious.
I was still doing more research, trying to understand my son, and more I researched about "Asperger," the more I was like this is my son. Then I looked into OT (occupational therapy) and was like yes this is what my son needs, how do I get it? What should I do? During this frustration of not really understanding what fully OT was and where to go? Frustrated, still researching like crazy and not knowing what to do. I felt lost like my son was too "neurotypical" to be autistic but not "neurotypical" enough to be considered normal. Was there no help for me?
(to be continue...)
I am leaving the story here because the next blog of "What is typical for a boy and what is not?" will talk more about my frustrations and struggle with diagnosis...and even then my questions are not answered. "The School from hell" gives me answers but still fear and frustration and questioning myself. It wasn't until "ABM" that I finally feel happy...and that took until my son was 9 years old. I am writing this all down so that hopefully if you are struggling with an autistic child, wondering what to do...what not to do...some of this will help you. Once I catch you up on our story, I am going to write more about everyday things. We go geocaching, projects, and vacations. Please subscribe and stay tuned...and share this blog with anyone you think it will help.
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